Its funny how a visit to a library can make one think so much about life..


I went for my maiden visit to the NUS Central Library after two and a half semester to do some research. It's newly renovated and the whole place is so BIG. I didnt know where to go upon setting foot in the library, i was so lost. The online catalogue gave me a series of code to look for the books i needed. But that was it, a series of code. I wandered around, and decided to go upstairs. I stumbled into the Singapore-Malysia Collections section. Surprisingly, the codes on the shelves matched the codes for the books i'm looking for! Am i lucky or wad?


The code was 599.2. I started looking frantically for the books. But alas, i still couldn't find them. Discouraged, i decided to take a sit on the small bench in between the shelves. Wondering what to do next, i saw a stack of books right beside me. Who's the inconsiderate ass who left the books there? I took a closer look and realised that the titles look familiar. I found TWO of the books i wanted among that stack! Wow, sometimes its better to just sit back and wait for the durians to drop. While i was searching for the books, i browsed through a couple of other books. I realised that newer attractive covers lose out to the old mouldy books in terms of contents especially since I'm researching for a history module. Looks don't mean everything.


As i was leaving the lib, i saw my fren mugging hard at one of the study tables. Its a saturday omg and what is she doing there??? Well, she told me that she's aiming for a cap score of 5 this sem which means an 'A' grade for all the 6 modules she's taking!! Being realistic and down to earth, i politely asked her if that is really possible. She said no, she herself also know that its unrealistic but if ur expectation is high, u'll prob fall short of ur expectation by a bit. In her case, it means she'll get a cap score of 4+, which is short of a perfect 5 but still much better than her previous cap scores of 3+. In other words, it means aim high, fall short but still do better than before.


I say that's bullshit. If you have high expectations in the first place, no matter how close you are to wad u expect in the beginnig, you'll still be disappointed. Thats why, i choose not to have any expectations. No expectations, really. I just put in however much effort i want and feel like. As long as i feel that the results reflect the efforts i put in, i'm happy.


Its quite likely that people will interprete my above statement as i expect to get back what i give. No thats not the case. I just need to feel that my efforts are worth it. You don't have to do things that you don't want to. I just need to feel that you actually feel something as well. Otherwise i'll feel dumb. Seeing how often the word 'feel' is used, i guess its basically about the way you make me feel.


Should we take a break, sit back and see if things will work out somehow (a la waiting for the durian to drop) or to continue walking the path and work our way out of the forest full of durian trees?