Why am i up so early in the morning? Here's a re-enactment of what happenened...


I was sleeping and dreaming of my kiam chye arh soup when i heard the all-too-familiar ringtone of 'Pink panther'. "Whassup man?" i thought to myself. I picked up the phone n heard a screaming voice "Oi u still sleeping? Tutorial now lehhh!" I panicked and jumped out of bed. But I thought for awhile.. Hmmm.. this module has two tutorials a week but i remember that its at 12pm on wednesday n 10am on friday. And then i asked the cockster whether she's absolutely sure or not. Apparently she was at the bus stop already. She even got an sms from the other fren who has the same tutorial that she'll be late. And then she discovers that *GASP* the tutorial is actually at 12pm!


Thanks *erene for waking me up so early. And thanks Jos****** for being such a cock as well. (part of the names of the two cocksters have been crossed out to protect their identity)

Had a discussion with a good fren of mine last nite. Found out that i actually suffer from Commit-o-phobia!


We concluded that:
- i've been hurt before (well, who hasn't?)
- if i were to like someone, i'll hesitate for quite some time before i try to take things a step further (well, who doesn't?)
- usually i dun try to take things a step further even if i like the person (well, who does it all the time?)
- unless i get very strong signs that my feelings will be reciprocated, i will not make any attempts (well, who likes to fight a losing battle?)
- i don't wanna get hurt again (well, D-U-H?)


So the best remedy for Commit-o-phobia is:
the mind is used for studying: the heart, for love. follow the heart and not think with the mind.

Insomnia. So here's three in a row!

Your Love Style Is... Confused!

You seem to be a little confused when it comes to the mysteries of love. You know you want love but you are unsure of how to get it. Try to let loose a little more and not worry so much about what other people think. You will master the love game in no time.

What is your Love Style? Find out at DatingTips.ws

Your True Nature by llScorpiusll
Username
The quality that most appeals to you:	High Social Status / Wealth
In a survival situation, you:	Outsmart your attacker
Your hidden talent is:	Pragmatism
Your gift is:	Irresistible attractiveness
In groups, you:	Observe others' behaviour
Your best quality is:	Your sense of humour
Your weakness is:	Your passivity
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Flashback

Year: 2000 AD
Place: NJC Library
Characters: me n rong, wc n rl, sj + mf + ruo, a bunch of shadowy figures


The plot so far..
7 njc students were studying dilligently in the njc library study corner, as if. it was springtime for me n rong and wc n rl. sj + mf + ruo were engaged in a tussle. it was a difficult time for all 3 of them..



me - i sided with sj 'cos he was a good fren of mine n kinda blamed mf for all the trouble at that time.


wc - the more liberal one.. he believed that its all fair in love and war and other affairs.


sj - full of anger n sadness. fuelled by his sensitive self.


mf - (being biased at the point of time, i didnt really bother to find out what it was like for him)


ruo - the ultimate prize. equilvalent to the blood orchid in 'Anacondas - the hunt for the blood orchid'



the ending...
mf n ruo lived happily after much obstacles. sj suffered dire consequences as a result of all the emotional setbacks.



the lesson...
i never really forgave mf though i began to accept the idea that it wasn't anybody's fault. its just the wrong people, wrong place and at the wrong time. i told myself that i won't want to see another fren in sj's shoes.. let alone be the cruel hand that deals the ultimate blow.



Its always funny how by a strange twist of fate, people or perhaps someone up there will make u eat your own words. Dilemma: listen to your mind or follow your heart? Its tough enough for me to decide where to eat lunch or what to eat.. Guess i'm just not old n wise enough for all these, or rather, am i young n immature enough for all these?

"Ask and it'll be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8

No i'm not religious so the above statement couldn't have been made by me. No offense but i really wonder what this matthew fella is thinking. Hmm yeah but after giving it some thought, it does make a bit of sense. Let us break it up into a few parts to analyse:

ask and it'll be given to you. hmm when i was a kid, i used to ask my mother for this n that n this n that. what do i get in the end? more often than not, i get like a few strokes of the cane.

seek and you will find. yeah once upon a time i tried looking for love. in the end i found my best fren "loneliness". people say that don't look for love 'cos it will come to u naturally. the more u look, the more u wun be able to find it. but the moment u stop looking, love comes to u.

knock and the door will be opened to you. haha.. i tried to do some door to door survey shit before. u guys shud know the rest. period.

Hmmmm i guess our friend matthew here is trying to tell us to be optimistic. to always look on the bright side of life. i know it doesn't help to be pessimistic n all, but how often does optimism reward us with what we deserve? then again, you'll never know if you don't give it a shot. and u may live to regret for not even trying. BUT what if you know?

Nothing's 100% in this world, nobody knows for sure. However, there's one thing i know. To quote my fren:

"When the door of happiness closes, another opens. But often, we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the new door which has been opened." -Seth LimSJ 3:6-9

I've always believed that if you want something badly enough, you will get it in the end. And that the harder you are made to work for something, the more you will cherish it. Recently, I've seen several examples of people trying very hard to get what they want and i gotta admit that i'm indeed very impressed n moved by them even though it really is none of my business.


My fren told me "if you want something, just ask and you'll get it". If this is applied to the context of buying food and asking for additional stuff then i'm sure there is no problem at all. Or is there? What if i'm buying ice kachang n i tell the auntie "ice kachang dunwan ice". I know i'm being rather neh-neh, but i guess this applies in the world we live in too. Its not like u have money then u can have everything. Neither does having charisma nor physical strength. (learnt this during soci lect: What is the basis of power?)


Thus, being so inspired by all these, I've decided to work hard for all the things which i want badly. BUT, do i know what i want? -my indecisiveness surfaces once again-



(to be continued...)

Woke up. Went to the SIR building at Lavender with wc n justin to collect wc's pink IC. Then we went Far East to return clothes which i borrowed from my sponsor and to eat the chicken rice which we grew up eating. After that we went Gelares' for half priced waffle and a single scoop of chocolate overload ice cream. Then we went Citylink to meet sj and to find dex who is working at a roadshow there. After that i went for dinner with sj at Sakura 'cos wc n justin had to go back to hall for dance audition and dex was busy working. Then i made my way back to hall but i bumped into charlene at YIH bus-stop so we decided to go to the Olio Dome at UCC for some coffee. Saw our beloved president Nathan at UCC and pee-ed beside him in the toilet.


Well, I'm not someone who records my daily activities but why did i do it today? 'Cos i spent time with people who are important to me. (well minus you of course mr sr nathan sir) These are the people who have sorta drifted from me in some way or another. (i'm sorry u r left out once again mr sr nathan sir but we never had anything going on in the first place) I just want them to know that i really treasure their friendship. (mr sr nathan sir im sorry but we r not even friends)


Overall, i enjoyed my day. Once again i believe that my philosophy of 'see what u wanna see, hear what u wanna hear and choose what u wanna believe. ignorance is bliss' is really good. It keeps me happy. =D

So there i was lying on my bed, dreaming about eating mooncakes with traditional lotus paste and single yoke, when i got woken up by this alarm from a nokia handphone which did not belong to me.


*dear owner of the handphone.. if you are deaf, you don't need an alarm.*


Went for my tutorial at AS3. Met an acquaintance who said to me, "Good morning! Just woke up? Going for class?"


*Look. You jolly well know that its a good morning, so unless i'm a bat or an owl, yeah of course i just woke. And for what other reason will i be at AS3 for? Oh yeah, maybe the weather was getting too hot so i decided to move my whole bed into the tutorial classroom.*


Went into the class.. WOW i was the first to arrive! So i sat down and in came some girl who said, "Hi whats ur name? I'm ######## (i can't remember)."
So i said hi n told her my name.
Then she said, "Are you from arts?"
I replied, "Nope."
So she said, "Ohhhh so you're taking it as an exposure module?"
Me: "Errrrrrrrrrrrrr......."


*Now don't try to use big words on me lady. I know what an exposure module means in the Arts fac context. I already said i'm not from Arts so what am i exposing myself to? Your stupidity???


So my philo tutorial went on.. it was 5mins before the class was supposed to end. Suddenly two girls walked in and just sat down. The tutor didnt stop them. When the tutor finished, he said thank you and see you again next week. The two girls were like "HUH? So fast end already?"


*Firstly, do not invade other ppl's class. Secondly, please knock before u come in. Thirdly, check your watches!


And so after class, i went to the Arts canteen to buy lunch. Decided to dabao 'cos i wanted to go back to hall to eat and watch Southpark. After packing, i turned around n met another acquaintance. He said, "Hey where you sitting ar?"


*I'm gonna sit in A317. Can't you see that i'm carrying a red plastic bag with food in it? Dickhead.


URGH.. NUS students.

Sometimes, some things can get rather irritating. Especially when they seem so childish. I really don't understand why people can't let nature take its course can't take things one step at a time. Why do people like to force me into making decisions? I'm not a good decision maker, i just go with the flow. Blame it on my laidback-ness. I can't help it.


If only people around me are just like the defending side in touch rugby. Back 5, back 5, BACK 5!

Rong, maybe now you'll understand why i once told you that i rather choose to lead a simple carefree life in some secluded place living in a hut, instead of that busy hectic new york-ish life you envision yourself in, after hearing all that's been happening to me recently. To think that you said that i have a lack of ambition.. HA!


Sometimes i really wonder how people can be so sure of who they like when they've only known the person for a short while. Its not as simple as going to the toy's department and choosing a toy i like and asking daddy or mummy to pay for it. Cos more often than not, the toy ends up in the storeroom soon and remain there until i accidentally stumble upon it. To think that i used to bring it everywhere and even on my bedside when i sleep at nite.


I'm thinking and writing too much. Better stop before my friend says im becoming like an episode from SATC.

Its a pretty weird day for me. Well actually since last night. Things that have never happened in my life are all happening to me now.


Nick likes Rebecca. Nick thinks Rebecca likes Sebastian. Sebastian is caught between his good fren Nick and his former crush Rebecca. What should Sebastian do? What should Nick do?


I think that its dumb if Nick pulls out. Its dumb too if Sebastian pulls out. Its also dumb if Rebecca pulls out. Maybe they should just have an orgy. They can always use the pulling-out (withdrawal) method. Okay, i'm not really being serious here.. haha =P


I was on the bus home today. Then there was this old man who was talking damn loudly n kept banging the window. I realised that he will scold every person who was getting off the bus. Then he kept "lim bei lim bei.." Was kinda scared 'cos he look aggressive. I was scared 'cos if he dared to be aggressive with me then he'll prob end up in hospital. Anyways so there i was tapping my ezlink card when he started saying "........... call police, cid, ask them to catch u........." So i looked up (he was sitting at the seat nearest to the door) and stared at him. Then he said "diao diao diao.. lim bei tak ji kar loh ki hor li eh kiu zheng.." What a rude prick.. instinctively, my middle finger shot up. And the whole bus started staring at me like i'm the weirdo. Wad da hell....


It made me realise that in some situations, no matter what you do, you will still lose. This is called a lose-lose situation. I'm impressed by how well i've managed to link my two separate stories.

I'm so tired of everything. Your jealousy. Your mind games. Your everything. So let me slip away.. let me slip away.. slip away.. slip away. Why are we quarelling when we aren't even together? Why do u feel jealous cos im nice to my frens when you have a bf? Am i playing mind games with you or are you out of your mind?


It doesn't help that i'm in the midst of one of my busiest time in my life. Dinner and Dance is coming up. Other dumb hall activities. Dad, you really should've bought me a car instead of calling me every friday to ask if i'm going home. My dear frens who think i'm drifting away: maybe u guys can contribute some money so i can buy a car, then i'll have more time for u all.
How apt.. my winamp's playing Dido's White Flag now.


I realised its hard being a coordinator of any sort. To coordinate something actually means to be able to please everybody. I gotta keep both parties happy. This is madness. A coordinator has to strive to please everybody, while everybody takes a piss on him/her. please-piss. geddit?


Think i need a hug.

Somebody by the nick of 'milkyway' left me a comment in my previous post. Wonder who is that.. but anyways it reminded me of the milk game we played during block initiation yesterday. Haha..


In response to milkyway's comment, I have no idea if my fren knows that i feel that his drastic change. Maybe it wasn't really that drastic, but more like over a long period of time.. slowly evolving. But i think he knows it. Just that he won't accept it. Being the major escapist he is, he'll probably either say that its due to the different environment we are in right now or he'll say that its more likely that i've changed. But i seriously duno la.. its just my own perception.


Hmmm my other fren just changed the layout of his blog. It looks cool i think. Should i change mine? Nah.. don't think so. I'm the laidback superstar.